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“hm. so your name is—”[break][break]

julie bristles, head shaking as she hurriedly presses her fingertips to mika’s lips. her cheeks are painted red with shyness (it’s a new side of her, this mika says with all the love and care in the world. usually i’m the one that’s blushing). [break][break]

“it’s… strange hearing it from you. ‘julie’ is fine.” a pause. she clears her throat and adds: “well… i suppose for you, it’d be ‘jules.’”[break][break]

Mika Nakayama smiles in response and julie feels her heart flutter.[break][break]

is this what it was like? to set the bird within her free and allow it to soar? to truly take in the warmth of the ever present sun and be lost in her skies?[break][break]

when she gazed at mika, she hushed the ceaseless flapping, urging it to be content within the cages of her ribs. the mika of the waking world had unknowingly taken its key, but julie had never once fought for its return. they had been the one to unlock it. it was only right for her to be the one to place it back within its home, no matter how stifling it would be.[break][break]

but this mika.[break][break]

this mika allowed the emotions within julie to find its way to her again.[break][break]

“something funny?”[break][break]

julie blinked, gold meeting amber and she shrugs.[break][break]

“just… thinking.”[break][break]

“about?”[break][break]

she hesitates but mika shakes her head. rough fingers brush pink locks behind an ear as a silent invitation. julie accepts it with open arms.[break][break]

“if i had… behaved this way sooner, would you. um.” fingertips are pressed together, hopefulness in her tone. “find me as… charming?”[break][break]

mika tilts her head, and julie’s heart thumps in her ears.[break][break]

no matter what mika said, julie knew the truth.[break][break]

what attracted mika to her was "julie’s" openness. how eagerly she drew them out of their shell. how easy it was to play lovers without putting on its label. it was how fleeting it was. they burned so brightly, and in reality, they burned quickly.
try as they had liked, they lived in different worlds. it was only a matter of time. when julie had gone home and their time together ended, it was a struggle to accept. [break][break]

they had loved and had lost and still clung to the ashes.[break][break]

but here, where mika says all the sweet nothings she always desired, it just comes so simple.[break][break]

“oh, jules…” fingertips kiss her cheek with sweetness, the palm that lifts her gaze comforting. “of course i would. you’re you. no matter what.” mimi smiles in that embarrassed way of theirs, averting her gaze when julie’s lingers for too long.[break][break]

julie always loved the sight. [break][break]

she tilts her head, asking really? with her wide, expectant stare.[break][break]

mika only laughs.[break][break]

“all of these things make you julie solette, too, silly. and i love her. no matter who she may be.”[break][break]

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fingers run through her hair, julie relishing in the gentle autumn breeze that tickles her cheeks. she has lost much of the pushiness she “originally” possessed, but this mika still humored her, cheeks rosy with that shyness that never really goes away, no matter how much time has passed between them. it was one of the things that made julie weak for her. Mika Nakayama was never bold in her physical touch, but still allowed julie to invade their personal space. [break][break]

like they were the bright sun and a teeny passerby planet, one orbiting the other.[break][break]

mika allowed julie to revolve around her and julie would always take the opportunity.[break][break]

with a hum, mika twirls julie’s ombre locks around their finger, letting it slip and laughing gently as it tickles julie’s features. from her place upon their lap, she pouts up at the ranger, but mika offers an easy smile that placates her easily enough.[break][break]

“you were saying, jules?” mika urges, allowing julie to lace their fingers together, watching as she presses their knuckles to her lips.[break][break]

julie blinks, pausing for a moment. what was it that she and dream mika were speaking of, before she unknowingly entered the scene?[break][break]

my family… comes her own voice in an echo, her eyes closing momentarily.[break][break]

right. my family.[break][break]

“you’ve already seen it all, haven’t you, mimi?” golden meets amber and she reaches up to squish mika’s cheeks between her index finger and thumb. her lips pucker like a qwilfish and julie grins. “you’ve looked into my family, haven’t you?”[break][break]

julie’s sure she has.[break][break]

her mika was already aware she had become a vlogger even before her return to hoenn.[break][break]

surely they had seen the comments and queries.[break][break]

any puzzle piece julie had stolen in their youth had easily fallen into place, the fragmented daughter of solette becoming whole.[break][break]

mika was aware, and yet was always too polite to ask.[break][break]

(but julie has to wonder: is it really manners that keep mika’s lips shut? she gazes at this mika, the one that strokes her hair, lets her use her lap as a pillow, lets her features be kissed only to return them ten fold. if she asked, would this mika answer? would there be a point to it all?)[break][break]

“but i want to hear it from you.”[break][break]

julie stares in awe at the hoennian above her.[break][break]

oh.[break][break]

maybe it was this?[break][break]

did her mika want this too?[break][break]

“i… i see…” she says slowly, clearing her throat. “in that case… well… my father and mother both…”[break][break]

“very strict, from what i understand.” mika brushes julie’s fringe to the side, fingers brushing against julie’s cheekbone. “tell me your favorite memory. if you have one?”[break][break]

it stuns her into silence.[break][break]

“i… um…”[break][break]

“come on, jules,” mika encourages, patient with her as always. “i’m sure you have one, even if you don’t realize it.”[break][break]

it takes a moment for julie to speak, hesitant and unsure. “i… remember… when gen was gifted to me. i was urged to take her for a ride… since it would make a good photo,” she begins, gaze averting as she attempts to piece together her words. “i… because gen was young… she… i fell off…” her lashes flutter, and the memory paints itself in her mind.[break][break]

she had fallen and her elder brother had rushed to her side, brushing off dirt and leaves off her hair. her younger brother had quietly asked if she were okay, his tiny hand held out to pull her back to her feet. in the distance, her parents remained onlookers, but her brothers…[break][break]

“my brothers picked me up and cleaned me off.” a grin plays on her lips, sigh she lets out amused. “their handkerchiefs were brushing here and there. they even fixed my hair for me and calmed gen down… later, my elder brother even rode with me.”[break][break]

“they’re good brothers.”[break][break]

she thinks of how they had grown together yet apart, but never once did they look at her with disdain. an emptiness fills her and she realizes it all too soon: she misses them.[break][break]

she had become used to glancing at her side and seeing only her pokemon there, but if she thinks of the years where her brothers met her wandering eyes with an acknowledging nod, perhaps there was a warmth there she never truly acknowledged. [break][break]

“they… are,” julie agrees.[break][break]

“do you miss them?”[break][break]

julie lets out a small tinkle of a laugh.[break][break]

“i suppose i do.”[break][break]

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“so… i never got to ask,” they start, Mika Nakayama holding out a chopped bit of mago fruit for julie to take. when julie tilts her head curiously, urging them to continue, they smile awkwardly. “um. so you became a vlogger. was there… any reason why?” [break][break]

julie knows what mika is thinking. just because it’s a leap from your family, is all. they don’t say it to be polite (and just simply asking is already a lot. mika never asked too much, but perhaps with everything out in the open, they had enough courage to. it’s a change in their relationship. in this one, that is).[break][break]

it’s julie’s turn to smile shyly, fingers tucking locks of hair behind her ears, palms meeting the edge of the table as she pushes herself back, looking up at the rustling trees above them. she breathes in the crisp autumn air, eyes closing as the setting sun kisses her cheeks with its warmth and after a beat, she lets out a sigh. [break][break]

“it feels… silly.”[break][break]

when she looks up at mika through her lashes, she shakes her head in response, body already leaning forward to take one of mika’s hands in her own. [break][break]

“nothing you say can be silly, jules.”[break][break]

even in her dreams, mika supports her unconditionally.[break][break]

a smile easily paints itself on the canvas, even before julie realizes.[break][break]

“gosh, you…” [break][break]

she isn’t used to this. the way mika easily slots herself in julie’s pace without argument. how it’s never julie pulling anymore, but mika gently guiding julie along until they walk in synchronization. julie’s heart aches over the fact that this isn’t reality but the deepest parts of her desires made manifest, and a guilt washes over her by how much she treasures it. how much she craves it and longs to simply remain in this dreamland with the mika that loves her, no matter who she is and no matter what she’s done.[break][break]

it feels like a betrayal to the mika that awaits her when she opens her eyes again.[break][break]

it’s painful to think of it so.[break][break]

but when the mika before her squeezes her hand, gold meets amber and the comforting fog blinds her to all she feels.[break][break]

it’s just so easy to fall.[break][break]

“um. so…” she laughs, unsure of where to begin. “i’ve already told you about my family and how we approach one another, yes?” mika nods and julie crosses her ankles. “well, it’s quite lonely. of course, i have pau and the others, but…”[break][break]

she isn’t sure how to explain the loneliness that seeps so deep it remains in the gaps of her bones, in her lungs and between her ribcage. [break][break]

she isn’t even sure how to say that with mika, all of it disappeared only to bloom and take her in its chokehold once they went their separate ways.[break][break]

she shakes the thoughts away.[break][break]

“well… it’s easier to form connections this way, i suppose. meeting the world… having others see it through my view.”[break][break]

mika nods in understanding and it spurs julie to continue.[break][break]

“and, um. there’s probably others like me. that can’t and couldn’t simply… leave their homes. so i… i wanted to help them. to give them a way to… travel when they can’t. it made me feel closer to those that found comfort in my videos… when they say ‘it’s like i’m there with you,’ it’s like… we’ve traveled together and wandering the region doesn’t feel as empty.”[break][break]

her cheeks warm as she speaks, looking away and watching a leaf flutter by. it’s a very pretty leaf. it lands upon the railing of the balcony and then it’s on its way. ah, goodbye leaf. [break][break]

with its departure, the silence that stretches between them slowly becomes overwhelming and julie wishes she were a diglett. [break][break]

she never once was able to put her intentions in proper words, and even in her little speech, she wasn’t completely able to. perhaps if she managed to write a draft and polish it to perfection, things would make more sense, but even then, could she reveal the final version so easily?[break][break]

with how embarrassed she feels now, most likely not.[break][break]

the scrape of the chair has julie flinching, lashes fluttering as she watches mika round the table and kneel by her side. they never once let go of her hand.[break][break]

“it’s a lovely reason,” mika finally says, the grin she wears full of utter affection and pride. “you connect people to you, but also to each other. you’ve done amazing, jules.”[break][break]

with her brows upturned, julie’s eyes become wide with uncertainty, voice small as she asks: “really?”[break][break]

“really.”[break][break]

her free hand brushes julie’s fringe back, a gentle kiss upon her forehead placed with ease. when julie doesn’t giggle as per usual, mika rolls her eyes affectionately and kisses her cheeks, another pressed upon the back of her hand.[break][break]

“just don’t push yourself too hard, okay? and try not to do too many dangerous things.”[break][break]

julie blinks.[break][break]

“but you’ll be there to keep me safe though…”[break][break]

“yeah, but… still.”[break][break]

when julie finally laughs, mika grins in return.[break][break]

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in her dreams, she kisses mika with so much ease, it makes her jealous of herself. when she sees mika in the waking world, riding the waves to test the waters, it makes her sigh how simple a dream could make things. she could say what she wanted, be who she wanted. [break][break]

dreams make things so simple.[break][break]

if only life were so clean.[break][break]

“i love you, mika.” [break][break]

the words come so naturally. [break][break]

they always did. [break][break]

they always will. [break][break]

when mika parts their lips to reply, julie shakes her head and shushes her with another kiss. she leans her forehead against theirs, squeezing her hands and then?[break][break]

she lets go.[break][break]

“that will never change.”[break][break]

in the ever turning world where every second means a new beginning, the love and admiration julie has for Mika Nakayama is the one and only thing that will always remain constant within her. dreams of a life where true honesty beats between them is enough to convince her as so. [break][break]

she gazes up at mika, into those warm amber eyes, the deep blues of her hair and smiles.[break][break]

“before i can really tell you again, i…” her fingers lace together. “i need to be more honest. and open… with myself. with you…” she looks up at the sky and watches the sun dip over the horizon. the world is dyed in reds and oranges; yellows and blues; soft purples and gentle whites; but here she is, always lost in amber and indigo.[break][break]

there are so many colors that kiss her skin.[break][break]

can she be dyed in them too?[break][break]

“and with everyone else.”[break][break]

she stands from the bench.[break][break]

“i’ll be back.”[break][break]

mika smiles gently.[break][break]

“i’ll be waiting.”[break][break]

julie laughs.[break][break]

“don’t just wait. come find me too.” she tilts her head, thinks of her mika, and sighs fondly. “you always do though.”[break][break]

their smile widens and shrugs.[break][break]

always. no matter what.[break][break]

julie’s heart swells.[break][break]

she turns on her heel, takes a deep breath, and takes a step forward.[break][break]

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julie just doesn’t understand.



or, to be more accurate, she just isn’t as… capable? was that the case? julie solette made herself out to be a damsel in distress, sure, but everyone was much too distracted with their own activities to pay attention to little ol’ her. and? they were anonymous! nobody would realize julie was julie unless she revealed herself to be. [break][break]



so, what did it come down to?[break][break]



capabilities, perhaps.[break][break]



in the real world, julie had a knack of getting out of trouble. the difference between her of the waking world and her of this one was… well, she had her pokemon. what did she have here?[break][break]





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the most specific get out of jail free card she has ever seen in her life. she had to test it a few times to really understand the mechanics of it (which means unfortunately having her little avatar self be subjected to the horrors, but it’s not like julie minded. there would be no repercussions in real life, as far as she was aware. she hadn’t woken up with lost limbs. yet, anyway, but as of right now? julie was still perfectly intact).[break][break]



she can escape a single encounter once in the ten minutes before midnight. if she doesn’t use it, then she has to wait until the same time the next day.[break][break]



figuring out the timing was the more difficult part, but she seemed golden.[break][break]



and so here she stands once more, after nights of trying over and over again, face to face with the sableye who calls her “trainer.”[break][break]



“you’re the one that came into my life,” she points out, watching as the sableye flexes his claws. her head tilts and she sighs, brushing her hair off her shoulder. “try as many times as you like, but i’m not allowing you to roam around…” a smile plays on her lips though it lacks the warmth associated with her. it’s cold and the amusement is hollow.[break][break]



frustration.[break][break]



yes, that’s what she feels.[break][break]



the way the sableye raged and lashed out, attacking her and others more times than she can count frustrated her. [break][break]



when she first met the sableye, it was back home in kalos.[break][break]



it had snuck into her room and began digging through her jewelry box, shoveling gem upon gem in its mouth with glee. when julie stumbled upon it, she felt no anger. sableye had stared at her, necklace hanging from its mouth and it only made julie laugh.[break][break]



eat whatever you’d like then.[break][break]



it’s not that she was fond of the sableye. in fact, the attachment she felt to it was little to nothing. to the █████ solette of the past, he was something to flavor her dull life. the only reason she captured it was to hide it from her family.[break][break]



what happened to your jewelry? your rings? the necklaces?[break][break]



julie had portrayed confusion and worry far too well then.[break][break]



and perhaps it was such a mundane meeting that she feels annoyed at such devastating partings. (devastating in the way it took her “life” far too many times. there would be no sorrow, but this pokemon was hers. destruction didn’t pair well with her name).[break][break]



the sableye stares at her, its breathing filling the hollow spaces between them.[break][break]



it grins, wide, eerie. [break][break]



crazed.[break][break]



it charges at her, seeping into the shadows, closing the distance in a blink of an eye. against the darkness of the forest, its gemstone eyes glimmer even brighter, and julie thinks of the surprise of their first meeting.[break][break]



fleeting magic activates, julie sidestepping the night shade and gently tapping the dream ball against its head. sableye stares at her, and if he could widen his gaze, he would.[break][break]



“let’s calm down a little, okay?”[break][break]



julie herself sounds collected, and the nerves only seem to take hold when the world comes to a standstill. she frowns deeply, glancing at her surroundings, brows furrowed in a what now? manner. [break][break]



but then the screen appears and she pauses.[break][break]





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protect? julie wouldn’t be the one to protect others. that’s just how she’s made herself out to be.



the answer was simple.





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the restless pokemon finally ceases its insistent wiggling in her palm.[break][break]



she sighs and pats it with her palm.[break][break]

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she stares down at her hands, frowning at the shadowed claws that greet her. she hadn’t been aware of it herself, but the Momo Sakai that isn’t momo had excitedly mentioned her eyes resembled literal jewels, and she thinks back on her little sableye and sighs. not!momo smiled then, told her it’s a neat little add on to her avatar, but julie begged to differ. [break][break]

what about my hands? she had asked with a tiny smile, urging the girl to see how weirded out she was. [break][break]

what about them? momo asked in return, grin wide in that usual way of hers. [break][break]

and perhaps that was how she knew this momo wasn’t the girl she befriended, because momo was sweet in her observance of others, and always looked towards the brighter side of things. the momo she knew would cheer her up, despite her newfound dreary appearance (not that she hated her sableye, but she was “julie” and “julie” meant cute things and, well… darkened claws and massive, crystalline eyes didn’t feel “julie-like” in the slightest). [break][break]

not!momo followed behind her, and she isn’t sure when, but her little companion had waved down one of her… friends? (brother, momo corrected) and their duo had become a trio. her sibling didn’t really talk much, but momo filled the void with her chatter, despite the short responses she’d receive in return. [break][break]

as comforting as it was to have a familiar face, when julie runs into what appears to be Mika Nakayama , she had lit up immediately. even in her dreams, mika comes to save her. even in a strange gamelike world, it felt natural that mika would be there. [break][break]

“mimi! i didn’t think you’d be here!” [break][break]

mika smiled at her, but only nodded in response. [break][break]

the glimmer in her gem stare faded and julie was back to moping. still, just as her mika would, she remained in her vicinity, and that alone warmed julie’s heart. [break][break]

“okay… right then…” [break][break]

unintentionally, her party had assembled but she had to wonder… what would be waiting for her in a tranquil little park? taking a stroll through it felt nice, even if the mika by her side wasn’t the mika she longed to see. having to deal with battles in her dreams made it feel like it had been ages since she last saw the hoennian. sneaking a peak at the taller, taking in the way her now silverly hair fans out above their head, julie hums curiously. she probably won’t get a response from them, but she makes do with wondering what pokemon the dream mika had been partnered with. [break][break]

though mika was comforting to be around, a strange air radiated off of her. interesting. [break][break]

(a thought occurs to her that perhaps, with their quartet’s appearances being as it was, they all were somewhere in the midst of it all, and anticipation fills julie’s chest. that means they can reunite properly in here, right? right). [break][break]

as they wander through the neverending park, beating the tiniest of waves of pokemon, julie takes a moment to peek at her inventory. [break][break]



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her lips purse, but soon enough, her avatar is pushed out of the way, mika standing above her protectively. [break][break]

“woah, that was close! thanks shigure!” momo squeaked off in the distance, julie shaking her head as she pushes up off the floor. what awaits her is a bewear, terrifyingly large and raising her fist to strike once more. she tries to use fleeting magic, only for it to not work and! [break][break]

squish. [break][break]

well, at least she didn’t actually get squished. [break][break]

when she wakes up and sees pau by her side, snoozing away, she sighed and gently stroked her fur. [break][break]

the next night, her trio of party members await her as if she hadn’t horrifically been flattened by a bewear’s strike, momo smiling the same as always, mika hovering over her and the one she learned to be named “shigure”... well, they stood as stoic as the day prior. [break][break]

her ability didn’t seem to matter here, so when she comes face to face with the bewear again, julie decides to send out her sableye. the others take note of the upcoming battle, and an annihilape, zebstrika and celfable appear. two notably have a wildness to them that julie recognizes, but she figured now wasn’t important to point it out. [break][break]

neither mika or shigure would give her an answer anyway. [break][break]

not this interaction of the duo, at least. [break][break]

but that made it simpler. [break][break]

julie regularly would not battle in the presence of others. her fully trained pokemon would remain silent in the care of others, and her team that always accompanies her would be named mere decoration. competence she has in a fight was shrouded in mystery, hidden underneath acts of confusion and nervousness. [break][break]

the trio she has now were not real in the slightest. [break][break]

the faux fear she usually wears in the face of adversity falls, and calmly, she calls for her sableye to attack. [break][break]

what catches her by surprise, however, is the way the bewear’s form fades into that of a zorua. [break][break]

oh, i see. [break][break]

the act of facing one’s self comes in many forms. [break][break]

luckily, julie has gotten some practice, even if she struggles to portray it in reality. [break][break]

“yes… i know,” comes her sigh once the zorua, now small and in her arms whimpers softly. momo and shigure chat about their encounter and mika keeps their silent vigil. julie looks up at her, looks at the siblings and back down to the zorua and sighs once more. [break][break]

“i’ll do better, i promise.” [break][break]

the zorua dozes off peacefully. [break][break]

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destroy the place for me, the king had said. [break][break]

she thinks that's too cruel of a command. [break][break]

the things with dreams is the sweet aftertaste after. they're unlike nightmares that leave someone trembling, wishing for the sun to rise. dreams were beautiful. at least, the one julie had was. when she thinks of the tranquility of the park, the way her heart took flight, the sense of freedom as weights lifted off her shoulders... she feels hesitant. [break][break]

did she have to? what would happen if she didn't? [break][break]

the gentle breeze brushes against her cheeks. what stands waiting for her... is mika. [break][break]

(because of course it is. why wouldn't it be? no one else encompasses that dream, gentle, warm, loving than mika would. the park was not important. it was her. it was mika. [break][break]

the very realization... no, the very acknowledgement had her heart thumping in her throat).[break][break]

"what are you planning on doing, jules?" Mika Nakayama asks, bright and beautiful, ever patient. julie swallows thickly. she takes a step back, as if their proximity would burn her.[break][break]

"i... don't know," she whispers, uncertainty in every breath, every glance. the sableye at her side pats at her calf. julie looks down with furrowed brows. what should i do? she silently asks. the sableye gazes up at her, julie's reflection shining back. is that an answer enough?[break][break]

sableye shakes his head in response to the scrunched expression his trainer wears.[break][break]

you already know. but it doesn't have to be painful.[break][break]

"i'll still be here," mika assures, smile softening. "... the one actually waiting for you." [break][break]

her hands clench tightly before her chest, eyes closing. [break][break]

the things with dreams is this: the escape from reality. she took that step forward, didn't she? what was she so afraid of? she thinks she hears mika's sigh of amusement, the gentle puff of a little laugh. her eyes snap open and she frowns at them. didn't mika understand her turmoil? didn't she understand that she didn't want to... hurt them? [break][break]

and it was at this, that julie blinks.[break][break]

she meets mika's gaze (breathtaking, just as always), and she lets out a twisted scoff of a laugh.[break][break]

"so are you scolding me then?" [break][break]

"we never really fought to begin with."[break][break]

the dream mika holds out her arms, beckoning julie closer. even at the display, julie hesitates. to destroy this, to break it apart by her own hands... it would truly be facing reality, would it not? she'd need to accept that there was no going back after this? [break][break]

her sableye pushes her forward.[break][break]

she collapses in mika's arms.[break][break]

"... i'm scared you'll hate me," she whispers quietly, and mika gently strokes her hair.[break][break]

"we talked about this already, jules. i could never."[break][break]

julie pulls away, taking in the features of this dream mika that loved everything and anything about her. mika nods, and in a soft flash, all that's left of her is the a gentle flame in julie's hands. [break][break]

it's warm. just like they are.[break][break]

the real them, awaiting her outside of her dreams.[break][break]

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birth by sleep

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